(no subject)

[Filter: Private]

This ... has to be the most difficult thing I've ever ...

With Mother, with Kouri, with Kyrene, with Myca ... in the end, I knew, I always knew, that I'd done every single thing I could. It was all out of my hands. I gave ... everything to making it better, to fixing everything, to healing every wound. That was my comfort, even with it was so slim it barely counted for anything. I ... I took it for granted, even, I think, because now ...

Now, realizing how much it hurts and how hard it is to hold back and not give everything, I --

It's awful.

I don't even know what I want to do.

I need Edeyn here. I know the villages emptying and all the other rumours of conflicts in greater Korin are more important than my own personal ... but I need her. I just do. I always have. She's gone, and none of my other advisers is anything close to what I need. Jadrielle is doing everything she can, but I don't see what she wants from me, or why she wants it. She's always gone through Edeyn before, and nothing she's telling me is of any use at all ...

Dragons, I hate this. I hate all of it.

At least Lancel's treatment is going better than I ever could have hoped. At least something is going the way that it should be ...

[Filter: Edeyn]

Lian's stopped eating. Not completely ... but I've examined how much she's left on her plate, and it's enough that she could do herself harm ...